Wednesday, December 19, 2018


Do I NEED a Boyfriend?
by Lea Mishell

I love my PolyAm life!!! The freedom to love whoever I want is so liberating!!!

As a bisexual woman, it took me a while before I found the right man to come out to and let him know that I wanted other women as well as other men. By the time I came out, I only wanted one man when I realized I've only wanted men for sex. Hubby has been more than sexually satisfying since Day 1 so I put a pin in the boyfriend idea... During the time that I've been openly polyamorous, I have all but ignored men for fear that my loving vibe would attract the wrong attention toward me. Until recently. I still can't say that I want a boyfriend but when the thought pops up, my first question is always "Why do you want a boyfriend when you have a husband AND a potential girlfriend?" as if I can't handle multiple relationships. Then the next question: "What if he isn't poly?" I've seen the ups and downs Hubby has gone through to find a girlfriend outside of the poly groups as well as within. I don't expect my search to be easy if I did look for a boyfriend but damn I mean how do you know that he can handle me having a husband and a girlfriend if I don't ask THAT question "Are you polyamorous?" Maybe once I figure out WHY I want a boyfriend then I can decide IF I want a boyfriend.

Recently, I listened to Blacktopia music artist Terrie Rimson’s “Love Come Down.” Hubby heard the song and asked me who did the original song (old school R&B artist Evelyn “Champagne” King for those that forgot or didn’t know) which got me to thinking of conversations we’ve been having about the evolution of our relationship. We’ve reached a point where we are open to dating longtime friends, so long as they are polyamorous or at least ethically non-monogamous. I can only think of a few that I would consider dating, male included. But I still don’t NEED a boyfriend. Loving multiple people requires balance and until I am secure that my connection with my Gorgeous doesn’t disturb my peace with Hubby, the boyfriend thought remains on the shelf.

Terrie’s song also had me thinking it could be the theme song for NRE (New Relationship Energy). The fluttery feeling you have at the beginning of a relationship is so exhilarating! At this point, Hubby and I have ORE (Old Relationship Energy) as it renews with all the ups and downs Life tries to throw at us but we have flickering moments of NREness. Happily, I’m still in NRE mode with my Gorgeous and I would expect the same should I choose to accept an additional Love in my life. He or she would know from the jump that we are not FWBs as my husband and girlfriend will be fully aware who is sharing my time. We could have a separate relationship apart from Hubby and my Gorgeous or an all-inclusive one. I’ve given up on limiting my love. I’m more at peace being poly! 

With the way my life has been going, you would think my book “You Me Him Her” is all about me but trust and believe I am not Mistress Harding! For more about my books, specifically “You Me Him Her”, go to 

For more polyamory terminology, check out the MORE THAN TWO website:

If you would like to submit a question to SHARE THE LOVE, send an email to with SHARE THE LOVE QUESTION in the subject line.


Polyamorous and striving to be Permanently Positive, Lea Mishell is a wife, mother of 3, and an author of urban fairy tales and erotica. Her works can be found at

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  1. Wow, amazing writing!... Read a couple of the sample pages and I tell you, I felt as if I was in the room as the conversation was taking place. I will most definitely be adding You Me Him Her to my must read book list.