Thursday, December 22, 2016

SHARE THE LOVE: Polyamory is NOT Polygamy (by Lea Mishell)

Polyamory is NOT Polygamy
by Lea Mishell

Hello Loves!! If you've been following along with my journey, thank you. Trust me, it has been QUITE the rollercoaster ride!

As a woman striving to be Permanently Positive, I am aware that I am setting myself up to receive negativity. One of those sources of “not-so-happy” vibes is the assumption that polyamory equals ALL things that start with the word “poly”, specifically polygamy, polygyny, and polyandry. When I speak of my desire and ability to love multiple people, I am pointing out that I am POLYAMOROUS. If I said I wanted a second husband, we have moved over to polygamy (multiple marriages). Just for further clarification: polyandry is when a woman has multiple husbands, polgyny is when a man has multiple wives. The only thing these words have in common is their “poly” prefix.

Another misconception I've seen so far is that it's the man's idea to practice polyamory. As if a woman would never want multiple lovers, male and/or female. Hello!! The woman writing this column is the person that introduced polyamory into my relationship. And I did it because I could no longer deny the fact that my husband and I have the capacity to love other women without diminishing our love for each other. When I came out as bisexual, I wasn't young and single. I was mature and married. Mature enough to wait until I was with a man comfortable knowing that no matter what anyone thought, love me or not, this is me. And married to a man open-minded enough to allow and encourage me to search for love in addition to him. That selflessness let me know that he, too, is polyamorous and he deserved to be just as happy as he was allowing me to be.

I love my husband to death but I am in no need of and I'm not in search of a second husband. If I do acquire an additional spouse (which pushes ME into polygamy), it would be a wife now that same sex marriage is legal. That and I've never had a full-fledged relationship with a woman. I haven't shared the ups and downs of my struggle to become a full-time author with the WOMAN I love, not counting female friends. Only Hubby has truly seen my daily struggle of wanting wishing waiting for anyone and everyone to love my SistaGirlz. I'm still giving all of my love to Hubby but someday I'll share my love with Wifey, too.

If you would like to submit a question to SHARE THE LOVE, send an email to with SHARE THE LOVE QUESTION in the subject line.


Polyamorous and striving to be PERMANENTLY POSITIVE, Lea Mishell is a wife, mother of 3, and an author of urban fairy tales and erotica. Her works can be found at

SHARE THE LOVE is published exclusively for

© 2016 Lea Mishell. All rights reserved.

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