Wednesday, August 9, 2017

SHARE THE LOVE: So... Y'all WANT Me To Cheat (by Lea Mishell)

So… Y'all WANT Me To Cheat?!
by Lea Mishell

I love my PolyAm life but let's be honest: Monogamy breeds cheaters!!!

Think about it. One of the main differences between an open relationship and cheating is the level of honesty and transparency in the relationship, if any. Those of us in polyamorous relationships should have less stress and worries about our partners due to the fact that our compersion* allows us to encourage them to seek more love as most of us unselfishly benefit from their lovers’ actions and added positive energy. Honestly speaking, when I attempted to live my life monogamously, I was MISERABLE knowing I was SUPPOSED to be loyal to ONE although my heart longed for MORE. The idea of monogamy is unnatural to most of us but because SOCIETY says we have to settle for one partner, most of us attempt to do so and fail… repeatedly. Last I checked, Society wasn't my Mama and that's the only person I NEVER questioned. I question Society way too much to keep IT happy while I'M unhappy. Fuck that! LIVE YOUR LIFE!

I recently read an article about open relationships and the writer was very much on point with my transition from monogamy to polyamory. As I've admitted before, I have always been polyamorous but I didn't truly put my thoughts into in my actions until my second and final marriage. Part of the reason I waited so long to marry again was because of my desire for multiple lovers. At that point, I thought the only way for ME to be married was for me to have a husband and a secret lover. No one should enter into a marriage with that thought pattern!! Why get married if your intention is to lie to the one you claim to love?! Clearly anyone that suggests that you do so doesn't give a damn about you. As I’ve said before, cheaters are selfish. I actually had a former lover offer to continue his services if I ever decided to get married. He had no desire of a wife of his own but he was more than willing to take any sexual offers he was given. Needless to say, that was the last time I spoke to him. 

My husband has also had his share of shady women trying to be his side chick but when he tells them he’s married, not leaving me for them, not paying their bills or having unprotected sex, they back away from him. Thank you Trifling Women for changing your mind about pursuing Hubby. We have no desire to entertain any cowgirls*.

Neither my husband nor I want to associate ourselves with anyone that disrespects their relationships by cheating but let's be honest. If we disowned any and EVERYONE we knew that has EVER cheated on their mate, we wouldn't have friends or each other! Instead, we choose to educate our friends, loved ones and anyone that may be curious about how we are loving each other and our loves in an open marriage. It's truly been a blessing for us and my first word of advice, whether you're monogamous or polyamorous, is to delete the idea of possessing your mate in any way. Monogamy isn't for everyone and a ring on your finger shouldn’t equate to a ball and chain or being on lockdown so treat your partner the way you want to be treated: with dignity, respect, honesty and transparency. When you're comfortable enough to tell your mate about a new love and they share in your happiness, what is there to be jealous about? What is there to lie about? Other than selfishness, what reason is there to cheat?!

I no longer have the desire or necessity to be a cheater. I am in an honest, transparent, and respectful open marriage with a man that encourages me to seek the love that I need. No lies. No secrets. Much less stress and arguments. Polyamory may not be for everyone but transparency and honesty are paramount in ALL relationships.

*For more polyamory terminology, check out the MORE THAN TWO website:

If you would like to submit a question to SHARE THE LOVE, send an email to with SHARE THE LOVE QUESTION in the subject line.


Polyamorous and striving to be Permanently Positive, Lea Mishell is a wife, mother of 3, and an author of urban fairy tales and erotica. Her works can be found at

SHARE THE LOVE is published exclusively for

© 2016-2017 Lea Mishell. All rights reserved.

Join the Blacktopia Facebook group and meet great people and engage in interesting conversations


No comments:

Post a Comment