Saturday, April 15, 2017

SHARE THE LOVE: Married and Dating vs. Married and Cheating/Cheated On (by Lea Mishell)

Married and Dating vs. Married and Cheating/Cheated On
by Lea Mishell

I love my PolyAm life!!!

I don't understand why some people are more accepting of the idea of cheating than polyamory. I would rather be open and honest. Cheating is a choice of the selfish. My monogamous life was selfish. I had no issue being with someone who was already involved with someone else except I didn't care if their love knew about me. I care now. I put myself in everyone's shoes and I prefer that we are all open and honest and aware of each other's presence. With AIDS and countless STIs floating around, honesty is paramount in EVERY relationship, whether it's monogamous, polyamorous, etc. Plus, being honest is less stressful! No secrets to keep track of, hoping wishing praying that your main lover doesn't find out about your side love(s). And if they do, the hoping wishing praying they don't leave your selfish cheating ass! We all deserve love and respect. There is no way in hell any cheater can say they fully love anyone they can't be 100% honest with. And if you're the one being cheated on, I pray you will someday have enough self-respect to stop lying to yourself and start your life with someone else if not on your own. No one deserves to be lied to and disrespected by being cheated on.

Since I've been in constant contact with a particular Gorgeous lady, I've removed myself from dating sites as I am not actively searching for a girlfriend. However, while I was on those sites as well as a recent Instagram incident, I have had my share of men that just can't understand how I “allow” my husband to date other women, how he “allows” me to date other women, why I don't want to date men anymore… Do they assume Hubby should just cheat on me since he's allowed to date outside the marriage? That I should want them instead of women? That since I'm dating women that I should date them and their girlfriend? Ya know what they say about assumptions… Not one for name calling,  allow me, instead, to answer a few of those questions/assumptions.

1. Cheating involves lying and selfishness which goes against the honesty and transparency of polyamory so couple that with the depth of his love for me, I highly doubt my husband will cheat on me.

2. Prior to this marriage, I was also in the closet living heterosexually. Gentlemen, THAT was your chance to date me. Sorry, but I no longer have any desire to date men since Hubby is all the testosterone I need in my life! Just because I'm bisexual and polyamorous doesn't mean I want a boyfriend, too. There are plenty of AVAILABLE women out there, trust me!!

3. Refer to #2 and let me add that I only want one man and one woman in my life. Hubby has filled the male position and the only couples I would date would be lesbian or bisexual females because, say it with me… I DON'T DATE MEN ANYMORE.

Married and Dating sounds much better than Married and Cheating/Cheated On. Monogamy shouldn't be an assumption when there are other ways for EVERYONE to love and be happy. Knowing that I could never be happy with just one love not to mention choosing which gender to live happily ever after with when I truly wanted a girlfriend/wife AND a boyfriend/husband in my life was too much stress for me to carry any longer! Now that I'm married to a polyamorous heterosexual man, he and I are happily enjoying our open marriage and we are allowing the Universe to guide us to her/her to us.

Did I mention that I love my PolyAm (polyamorous) life?!

For more polyamory terminology, check out the MORE THAN TWO website:

If you would like to submit a question to SHARE THE LOVE, send an email to with SHARE THE LOVE QUESTION in the subject line.


Polyamorous and striving to be Permanently Positive, Lea Mishell is a wife, mother of 3, and an author of urban fairy tales and erotica. Her works can be found at

SHARE THE LOVE is published exclusively for

© 2016-2017 Lea Mishell. All rights reserved.

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